Our Gay Wedding Plans: Adjourned!
A friend told me just lately or rather viciously ordered me to stop the “if only” and “what ifs”. Not only does it foster false reassurance, it also becomes an emotional obstruction towards moving on. She told me that I have to help myself and not rely on others for me to do that. After all, it is I who is moving on and not them. Okay, so I got the point! I must help myself and that is why nowadays I am doing just that.On my half-brother’s recently held wedding, I was caught into an emotional interlude when the entourage led by me – the best man – marched across the beautiful cathedral’s aisle. The bride and groom’s eyes seemed to sparkle as if it only communicated happiness, excitement, and the words “This is finally it!”
While everybody was in mind of the ceremony, I on the other hand was busy sinking myself into my own fantasy. My strong conviction to move on was nowhere to be found that time. Then I started to ask myself the not-to-be-asked-ever-again-question “WHAT IF Dale and I got married like what we planned to have on the late quarter of this year? How would it be like if we both exchanged the “I dos” and kissed in front of everyone?
Stop!
My thoughts came to a halt for a while but the sequel still followed…“Our families were already supporting of what he had, it would definitely be a great gay wedding!” and I added “We were so sure of ourselves that we were meant to be together. IF ONLY we did not break up. IF ONLY as live-in partners, we did better”.
STOP!!! And I mean it.
And so I stopped and came back to my senses. I realized that the heart would not stop calling out his name out loud. This is probably normal given the fact that it has really been just two months yet that passed. The brain should always have the power to interfere these fantasies and govern by answering “It is over and done. Lesson learned. Move on.” This phenomenon is what I call the brain and heart working, not equally, but in synchrony.
I proved from this experience that my friend was indeed right! From now on, I should give myself a favor and start helping myself (seriously this time). I now cling on to the hope that someday everything that Dale and I had will become “a thing of the past” and remembering it would only elicit a smile and a thought of how better I have become since then. I believe that I will get married perhaps not now but in the right time… and of course, with the right man!
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12 comments:
>kuya mckhoi..nice..i know you'd be better=)
Gudlak ya=)
thank you so much dear.. whoever you are :)
you will be better.it is everyone's dream.. no doubT! be happy with your life now.. GOD does not give it all in one package .timing! and the last laugh will be ours!..
true enough sis... Thanks much Lady in Disguise~!
everybody deserves to be happy, in His time :)
so true!
Your site is now in my bloglinks, Marc.
Our society and culture have a set of rules to keep order and prevent it from disintegration. We could be a conformist or a revolutionary. Whichever we choose, we must be ready to bear the consequences.
THanks Jess! I will do the same for your blog but may I have the link please?
Hmm... Indeed, facing the consequences, although necessary, is a difficult process. It is a skill to be learned... and the first step is to break the denial!
>kentoie dai ni kuya.nyahahha..
kinsa nga kentoi?
i love this blog..first time to be here.
Thanks Poppa! Please keep coming back. Happy Blogging!
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