Friends, Time, and Friends

Relative as it is, friends are defined in a number of ways. As for me, having them is a need, a life demand. I could never think of life without these people. Not only would it be boring, I think my life itself would not be life at all. It would be dead or worse, owing to the fact that even dead people themselves have friends who miss them! 

Time should not be enough to dissuade friendship from carrying on. If friends extend their role beyond time then perhaps they were also present before it? Soul-mates call you may, my friends came in different points of my life. Although some remained, others physically distant, and a few probably totally lost, the experience of friends is found in the magic of every single moment and the collection of good things (and bad things) shared with sincerity. 

Be that as it may, it is not very clear how my childhood friends and I started to know each other. Perhaps it all began in grade school when I started off as a newcomer and then found myself singing, prancing, and do almost everything with everybody else. My memory with them may be a little faint but I do remember the glee and innocence we shared. I cannot of course recall all of their names nor faces, however a few have been with me side by side up to high school, college, and even up to now.

As I reached the point of tranquil settlement with the set of friends I had and looking for new ones seemed  unnecessary, no less than the old ones came my new friends. As I was away from my family, these new people who came as strangers started listening, encouraging, and sympathizing. Although I had my defenses up at first, they too showed love and acceptance that expanded the space in my heart to welcome them as a new need I would no longer live without. 

Whether old or new, time does not control the path of friends nor can it predict it. The timelessness of friendship cannot be fully deciphered. In spite of this, it is more important to me that I have them because they are vital to my living not for what they can give but for who they are and what i become when i am with them. At the end of the day, I find myself in peace and happiness that I have so far existed with friends who tag along for whatever reason... even if there is no reason at all!

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Leading Off My Long-Distance Relationship

It has been a week since I came home after keeping myself ensnared from a seemingly non-ending contemplation of what lies ahead of the climacteric decision to finally leave Baguio City. As I experience the breath of home sweet home, I gasp in ambivalence with the thought of having left my boyfriend, my partner. Physical as the separation is claimed, keeping a long-distance relationship may not be as easy as it is read nor spelled.

I would have believed that this kind of setup rarely prospers. Hearing and reading repeated accounts of those who have been through failed long-distance relationships, I too settled into the thought that i would share the same fate should I engage into such. This thought may have been influenced by a mixture of emotions lead by fear of waiting for nothing, making a fool out of myself, and ultimately fear of failure.

Although despite these negative emotions that stir the situation into further complexity, I closed the deal to stay into my relationship. The fear of losing him is superior than any fear I could possibly think of now. Although the decision entails a lot of risks (unmanageable fights, unquenchable needing, etc.), I force myself to find peace that at least I still have him.

I am gay and unfortunately unable to get married, which may add more challenges to our situation. In order for us to be more realistic, we set a deadline to when we should be together again, or else accept that we too, like the others who tried, should part ways. We have no ties, but I know we have something more genuine than any ring or contract. I hold on to my love for him and the promise we made for each other whatever the stakes are.

As I spend the early days of remoteness from my lover, I carry on with my adventures and do what I can to become my best for my family and for that day I await that we meet again. The pain, the fears, and the feeling of inadequacy are all my responsibility to deal with. And as challenges cloud our relationship while 600 miles away from each other, I cling to hope to hinder myself from once again being astray.
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