Denial: The first stage of Grieving
I used to see him every time I opened my wallet. I forgot that it was an important thing for me to remove his picture because it no longer had a place inside it. I was in denial. I acted as if the break-up did not happen. In my mind was the awareness that the relationship is gone but the heart did not feel any pain, misery or despair. Like I said I was in denial – the first stage of grieving according to Kubler-Ross.I thought that if this repression carries on, all the painful emotions might someday come rushing to hit me all at once and I might not be able to manage them in the context of sanity. I then rushed my heart to feel the hurt but the effort was futile. I was still in denial. My heart was numb to preserve its wholeness and muster energy before facing what has to be faced.
I remembered what my co-psychotherapist told me that I should fully embrace the grieving process including the time it takes for its completion. I said Okay and so it was time to wholly embrace the grieving process! I knew that I cannot rush healing otherwise I will always deal with a non-ending cycle of relapses.
Every time my girl best friend (Lani) brutally scolds me for keeping the picture, I always pull out the reply that his picture does not cause any harm so why bother. If I am in the denial stage then so shall I be in denial! Days passed by and I continually performed the regular check by staring at his picture on my wallet.
Before the second week ended, looking at him in the picture seemed to start giving me an absurd feeling that was not present before. I already felt the pain slowly crawling into my nerves and into my heart. Finally, I was hurting!
I already got the stimulus I need to finally remove his picture from my wallet along with four other photos of us together. I hid his solo picture in a secret place and decided to burn the other four in a special ceremony that I devised the night that followed. I cried while slowly burning them. I allowed myself to feel the pain I was longing for.
The pictures are gone but the memories still lived. I was hurting so much that every thought of him was like a direct stab on the chest. But I knew it was good because finally, I made it pass the first stage of the grieving process! I was no longer in denial.
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13 comments:
Hi, your blog contents are fantastic. Would love to include you in my blogroll. Thanks for asking. However, as I have transfer my posting from http://makelovehappen.blogspot.com to http://jennlimblog.blogspot.com I will placed your blog in the latter. Cheers
THanks Ms. Jennifer! I've already added your new blog to my bloglist. :)
every hour has its ends...
Indeed.. that's according to Sir Walter Scott. Soon, this painful process will end and I will find out that I've become a better person after the experience
Hi,
You have an interesting blog.
I have added your blog to my favorite blogs list.
Happy blogging
it's a very painful process. You describe it all so well I can practically feel it.
SweetGirl, THanks! I have added yours to my bloglist as well. Happy Blogging to you too!
Sandi, your comment made my heart sing. I'll be writing more I promise. I also added your blogs to my blogroll
Thanks for the compliments guys! Please keep coming :)
Hi, my new friend...Thanks for dropping by my blog....It appears to me that the healing process has begun for you and that's a good thing....I've added you to my blogroll...and don't be a stranger....
Hi Mike! I added you to my bloglist. Thanks.. yes I am already prolly in the middle of the healing process. Although this will take a longer time to complete, I'm still confident that I am on the right track. Thanks for dropping a comment. Please keeep coming back!
hi good day to you!!! thanks for passing my blog. yeah i already add to my blogroll and now we're friend lol.....
Sure Jonna! added you already! :)
I have heard of people allowing for a three day mourning period, where anything goes: self-pity, depression, crying and all the stuff that needs to be expressed but isn't good to wallow in for too long. After that the focus is healing and only activities that are positive in the grieving process are allowed. I like this approach.
Yes, that's a very nice approach Ma'am Tina! Usually the grieving process would last around a year or depending on the person. You can cry as much as you want (there is no limit to it and should not be limited nor time-framed) but after the entire crying experience, you should not just sit around and wait until healing comes to you, you must do something! It is a process that requires effort and yes you are right that involving yourself into activities that are positive would definitely add big to your advantage for quicker recovery.
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