The Break-up
I must say that one of the strongest motivation I had in starting all over with this new blog is the recent break-up I had with Dale (my ex boyfriend, and I repeat.... my ex boyfriend). A new blog would definitely be perfect, not in staining anybody's reputation nor put blame on whosoever but, to share and be constantly reminded of how I was able to pick myself up and be in the faith that this is only but one of the crosses I must bear in this lifetime.
The most important thing at this point I guess is the thought that at the end of the day, everything becomes a learning experience on me and on everybody else. Fate has her own way of teaching us all sorts of lessons in life may it be through the easy way or the hardest and most painful way ever. Sometimes, we fail to extract the gist from the incident and oftentimes, we even refuse it. We refuse to learn! One can blame the ego and pride if they feel that this is the only thing they have left but whether this is deniable or not, those who fail to learn are doomed to repeat the painful process all over again.
Enough with fate. Now, does this have any psychiatric implication? A component of our personality called the "unconscious" is a dump of all good and bad things that happened in the past that we can no longer recall. The need of the unconscious oftentimes reflect in our choices - the color of our shoes, the size of the car, whether you fence your house or not, and even on the choice of boyfriends/girlfriends. I know a lot who has relatively been into a number of relationships that ended into disappointments. You can go ahead and blame the other parties should you wish to but, if you take a closer look on your self, you will find out that the unconscious might have something to do with it. In its attempt to resolve the hidden conflicts (which is almost impossible), one has a tendency to choose someone who will eventually break-up with him/her in the long run. I remind you that this choice is not conscious but rather unconscious.
The chain of repeated negative experiences will eventually carry on until you do something to stop it. But How?
First, you need to find acceptance within yourself that you have a contribution to the situation
Second, be aware of the pattern of these negative experiences
Third, Identify the NEED that the unconscious is trying to fulfill with the choices that you make
Fourth, Cut the chain. Redivert the need
Fifth, CHANGE for the better.
The five steps I have formulated is simply the process of LEARNING in its valid sense. You can claim you've learned your lesson and tell everybody about it but the truth of the matter is that you really haven't learned a thing. We should keep in mind that the most important thing is not what you tell others but what you tell your self.Before you convince others, first you must convince yourself.
Going back to the break-up. Well, It's over and done now and moving on means more than saying "I've moved on!". It is a process that involves Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ultimately acceptance (Kubler-Ross). The most important key factor in healing and moving on is TIME. Right now, my need for a new partner and a new relationship is not yet a FELT NEED. Thus, I have decided to take an entire year to grieve plus another year for preparation for the next relationship and basically focus into other aspects of my life that I neglected when I was in a relationship with Dale. I need to take time to preserve what's left in me until it naturally blooms back to fullness.
Again, I don't want to convince others that I've moved on... First, I must convince myself.
The most important thing at this point I guess is the thought that at the end of the day, everything becomes a learning experience on me and on everybody else. Fate has her own way of teaching us all sorts of lessons in life may it be through the easy way or the hardest and most painful way ever. Sometimes, we fail to extract the gist from the incident and oftentimes, we even refuse it. We refuse to learn! One can blame the ego and pride if they feel that this is the only thing they have left but whether this is deniable or not, those who fail to learn are doomed to repeat the painful process all over again.
Enough with fate. Now, does this have any psychiatric implication? A component of our personality called the "unconscious" is a dump of all good and bad things that happened in the past that we can no longer recall. The need of the unconscious oftentimes reflect in our choices - the color of our shoes, the size of the car, whether you fence your house or not, and even on the choice of boyfriends/girlfriends. I know a lot who has relatively been into a number of relationships that ended into disappointments. You can go ahead and blame the other parties should you wish to but, if you take a closer look on your self, you will find out that the unconscious might have something to do with it. In its attempt to resolve the hidden conflicts (which is almost impossible), one has a tendency to choose someone who will eventually break-up with him/her in the long run. I remind you that this choice is not conscious but rather unconscious.
The chain of repeated negative experiences will eventually carry on until you do something to stop it. But How?
First, you need to find acceptance within yourself that you have a contribution to the situation
Second, be aware of the pattern of these negative experiences
Third, Identify the NEED that the unconscious is trying to fulfill with the choices that you make
Fourth, Cut the chain. Redivert the need
Fifth, CHANGE for the better.
The five steps I have formulated is simply the process of LEARNING in its valid sense. You can claim you've learned your lesson and tell everybody about it but the truth of the matter is that you really haven't learned a thing. We should keep in mind that the most important thing is not what you tell others but what you tell your self.Before you convince others, first you must convince yourself.
Going back to the break-up. Well, It's over and done now and moving on means more than saying "I've moved on!". It is a process that involves Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ultimately acceptance (Kubler-Ross). The most important key factor in healing and moving on is TIME. Right now, my need for a new partner and a new relationship is not yet a FELT NEED. Thus, I have decided to take an entire year to grieve plus another year for preparation for the next relationship and basically focus into other aspects of my life that I neglected when I was in a relationship with Dale. I need to take time to preserve what's left in me until it naturally blooms back to fullness.
Again, I don't want to convince others that I've moved on... First, I must convince myself.
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11 comments:
wow! nice to know there's a blog of a review lecturer.. :-)
thanks! keep coming dear...
nice..as always..i tell this.. ACCEPTANCE is the key to happiness! aja! aja!
indeed... the 5th stage according to Kubler-ROss
cuzzz...nashocked gyud ko!break na diay mo??bakit???i hope ur ok na!!
try to read on cuz... you'll have the idea. Someday we'll have coffee together and i'll share my side. I am generally okay despite the load i am carrying. ^_^
this one is hard "Fourth, Cut the chain. Redivert the need" the detaching part is the hardest specially when you are used on being attached already.. haaayzzz..
yes indeed Ms. JJ! When you are conditioned on something, it will simply become a hard habit to break. The fourth process is a skill that is not inherent to everybody but can definitely be learned either thru series of reflection or thru psychotherapy
yah break up! :)
nakakaloka tlga pero yan tlga part sa relationship na mag partner. sobra tlga ako na inspire sa sinulat mo na blog :)
lahat ng mga sinasabi mo natamaan ako :)
pero yan tlga BREAK UP un
I'm glad i inspired you with this blog. Please keep coming back ^_^
Hi friend its cedrick of davao city.thnak you for allowing me to comments your blog it really nice and wonderful site.keep up the good work.hope to meet you one day here in davao city.or in baguio.hugs cedrick
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